okayyy

So for some reason, I am just feeling like really bad at the moment. I don't even know why. I just have this feeling of sadness looming over me. But there isn't really a reason for this that I can figure out. I text J today, and that was alright, but I just wanted more out of it I guess. But I shouldn't really expect much from text.. I just want to see him. But I don't know when that will happen. Ugghhhh I'm just not at ease right now. I have been too busy working too. I need some chill time. Thank goodness I am going to the beach next week too. I am not sure who is going with, but I'll go by myself if I have to... hah. I just want something to work out well between me and J. I don't know what the hell i want.. but I just hope that I get to seem him soon. I think that's what I want for now. It sucks being the one that always texts.. Ahhh I just need to focus on myself. That sounds pretty narcissistic but it's a good thing to do. He said he was moving back to the city anyways sometime this year so we'll see what happens. I need to talk to him and figure out when he will be doing that too.

This really makes me question why I am so dependent on men. But I really can't answer that. It's not like I need them, but I have this deep desire and want for them ugghhhhh lol