FML

Just had to throw that out there for the male situation. Fuck them all. All the guys that ignored my texts/calls and just thought of me as another girl.. That's so not me. I'm not taking anymore bullshit. I just don't want to let anyone else to get to me unless I know it is completely worth it. You can't always know but I think there has to be more evidence than what I have as of now. I hate having to disconnect my emotions from situations though, I want to give it all. Give everything a chance, but I guess that is how one gets hurt. In the end you have to figure out who is worth being hurt over. The wise Bob Marley once said,“Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”

So enough bitching... I hope I don't have to tell anymore stories of sadness. The next will be like a fairy tale.

Ok so I just text J, but he's not texting me back. I really don't need to text him anymore. He's just not being responsive and it seems like he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. What else can i do? I just need to not think about it. But def easier said than done, eh? All you girls out there feel me on this one I know. I just have to quit impulsing, because I have been wanting to text him for the past few days. I'm just gonna chill with it now though. If it's meant to be it'll happen: my mantra. That's just how I feel generally about everything in life. No pressure. Need to stay true to that. Just needed to talk about that a little.

But anyways, I am watching Sex and The City, getting ready for NUMBER 2! Which comes out right around my birfday! SOOOO excited! I just love the whole idea of it. It's a group of friends that are with each other for the long haul. They are all different in their own ways, but still are connected by the good ole NYC. I'm gonna go to the big apple one day soon. Oh man, it's at the scene where Big leaves Carrie at the alter. :( SO sad.

This week is going to pretty busy. Work M-F, JA on Weds, and test on Saturday. I really need to start studying ASAP for the test, but my study guide (turns out can only be downloaded once) was on the usb drive I turned my projects in on.. So it is quite important that I get that back tomorrow. I really should have planned ahead about that. Oh well!

I really wish I was writing this at the beach right now, but here in about 2-3 weeks that is exactly what I'll be doing. I might even try to not take my laptop, and just read and journal. That sounds like an awesome idea. I'm not sure if I can live without the internet for a week though. I'm pretty set on trying though. I will have to completely not take it though, because if I take it and say I won't check it, I know it will end up being checked. And many beach hours will end up being wasted to the treacherous internet. Oh how many hours of my precious life have been sucked up by the evil. It's kind of like S&M though, it might be bad for you, but boy is it fun..

tata for now

live it up!

Living at the hizzy..

...isn't bad at all. Although this will only be my third night here, it is going quite well. We did a big clean out today, so that makes me feel better. I finally have all my stuff unpacked and placed back in my room. I have way too much stuff! I think my stuff has multiplied itself like bunnies over these past nine months. I honestly can't believe how fast the time has gone by. I'm not sure if I want the summer to go by fast.. I have a feeling like I want life to slow down just a bit so I can take it all in. I hope some amazing things happen this summer. Just in general, I can't say anything specific. We'll see.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I have the best momma ever just sayin'... Hope its a good one to all you mothers out there! One day hopefully I will be wished Happy Mother's Day, however, not any time soon!... I've got so much left to see! Trying to hit up Italy next summer with the Education School.. WOOHOO. Hope it works out.

Good night loves. Just wanted to type some stuff.

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The living sitch

Alrighty...So I'm back at the parents house now..It's a nice place with food, and shelter, and loving people. BUT it has no freedom whatsoever. Curfew at 12, can't have guys over, and my sis doesn't even live here anymore. I really want to stay in an apartment, but the financial situation would totally blow because I would end up having to pay alot more for it out of my own money. If I stay in the dorms, my parents would help out quite alot. Another factor is safety. The place we were looking at is a bit sketchy and I wouldn't feel safe living there.. That is a problem with me. If I can't go out for a run in my own neighborhood, that isn't good. Oh well. It's so much less of a hassle to live in a dorm too. Everything is included in the price, no bills to pay. I would rather wait til my senior year and just get a nicer apt with my sister. On to more fun things..

Boys: Actually I don't have anything to say about this.. A and me are no longer talking. I guess it's better because he is leaving soon anyway. And I was already getting pretty attached. I mean not really attached, but I definitely liked him. It couldn't go anywhere though.. Maybe I'll see him again one day. Def not going to bet on that. So, J on the other hand... I text him one day last week and we were talking about missing each other, and he said I should come visit and stuff. I really do miss him for some reason. I wish he would be more open with me. Every other guy that I have been with are just more talkative about themselves. He always says that's just not how he is.. But I want to crack open that bubble man! I still want to know more about him, even though I have known him like a year almost, I don't know that much. But yeah so I called him one day, and he picked up but said he couldn't hear me so we text. Then he asked if I was talking to anyone.. I'm still not sure why he did that. But he said he was kinda talking to someone. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN...? I have no idea, and he would not really explain. So I don't even know about that situation. I hope I get to see him soon, but I'm just going to do my own thing for the summer. That is the best thing. Maybe I'll go see him, but I'm not going to try to talk to any guys. Or really I'm just not going to hunt anything out. I'm still only 19 so I have a while before I need to start worrying about relationships.

I ran my 5K this Saturday! I finished in 31:36. Pretty good for me I think! I have another one in June, So I'm hoping to better my time just a little bit...

Works sucksss. I work all 5 days next week. Oh well. At least I will have money! I can't wait to see the earnings in my bank account.

Texts from last night is the most awesome web site!! bye bye for now

live it up!

There goes my plans..

So this weekend I was going to go balls to the walls and get a shit ton of filming done for my movie project that I have to do for my teaching and technology class, but wouldn't you know there's a downpour outside. Most of the things I am filming require non-rainy days too. Bummer dude. But I still have a little more than a week, so I'll get it done. There is hardly any time left in this semester. The last day of actual class is Monday. My exams begin the following Monday. It really is not a bad exam schedule, so I should kick bootay on them.

Well I have been getting plenty of sleep here lately because I have been a loser! Hopefully tonight or today I will get out. I have been out and doing things, but I have not done anything with the beau since like Tuesday (The last time I blogged as well). It was way fun, but it is Saturday now and I am missing the cutie. Well enough of this talk for now. On to more optimistic things.

I feel so in touch with my body at this point in my life. I did yoga this morning and then went to the gym and did 20 minutes of cardio, weights, and stretching. I also weighed myself, which I rarely do, and I am down to 168. I haven't seen the 160's since like last year. It was a fantastic feeling. It is not like I am trying to lose weight, but as a female I will probably always want the number on the scale to be smaller. I would like to get to the 150s and try to keep it there, but summer is right around the corner. I will have to really push myself to be motivated. I am so motivated right now for some reason. I find it difficult to not run every day. Isn't that strange? Most people are just looking for excuses to get out of the daily sweat. I thrive on it. It makes my day. Yesterday I did not do any exercise and I felt terrible last night. Granted someone did not call me as they were supposed to, but still I needed those feel good thingies. I can't run everyday though. I need to take out running like one day and just do walking or something. I think the body needs rest. Walking is so relaxing. I went to a trail to walk this week... no mp3 player... it was so great to be just listening to nature. Usually I just have music blasting in my ears when I'm running. It is a great escape, but I think 1-2 days a week it would be nice to go walking in the woods or trails. I will very likely try to incorporate that.

Wow Yoga. It is amazing. I think that is the finishing touch on my all around wellness for real. Since I have been doing it, I feel so at peace and relaxed. I want to be better at it like be more focused and get more out of the positions (not quite sure what the yogi name is). I feel like I am just doing the motions to just get it done, but that is not the point of it at all. It is about being one with your body and being stronger while stretching the body as well. The more you focus, the better it is. I always have those drifting thoughts about other things in life. Practice makes perfect though and I am quite the beginner at it. Bye bye for now.

Live it up

Carpe diem!

And he called me..

That is what every girl wants: for the guy to call the girl. Learn that guys and live a prosperous and lovely life. A called me today:) I had called him a few days ago and we ended up going exploring. And then we stayed up ridiculously late and had an awesome time. Having no sleep and taking that damn bio test was completely worth it! I think it was a successful test anyway. I'm just awesome like that.. jk but we ended up going out to this iron ruins trail or something like that. At the end of the trail, there was a golf course... Of course we walked on it! So romantic man! Clear skies, beautiful moon, and a great guy. What more can a girl ask for? (Maybe for the guy of her dreams to stay in the same state?) It was just a great night, I'm actually waiting to hear back from him about hanging out tonight. It's not looking to great right now, but the night is young. I'm just stoked he called me today. I was expecting another call from a doctor's office about something, and he just snuck in and called me! :) Great surprise! Life always happens when you least expect it you know? Ugh I dislike waiting.

OoOoOohh yeah check out that tat up there! I got that this weekend. That would be my first one! It is a gemini symbol with some funky stuff around it. I got it with my twinnie because it is the sign of the twin. Also a symbol of air. I like where I got it on my side too, Main reason I got it there was so I could hide it easily (got them baptist parentals). But I think it is at a really good spot for my body. Sexaayyy hah. Later for now!

live it up

Best I ever had..

Wow when i say best i ever had, i am referring to the best date ever.. so far at least in my life. Went to Italian restaurant with a GREAT guy. Then walked around some parks in the city.. Can I even explain how romantic that is? negative. It was just great! I mean to explain the greatness, he's nice, gentlemenly, and my height! And for me the height makes it an A+++ because I am pretty tall myself. It was perfect for standing up kissing. (Which is my fave) I am not sure what will happen with it because he is moving quite far away soon. My thinking in it is: I like him, he's fun to be with, it can be fun while it lasts even if nothing happens in the future, and he is a DAMN GOOD KISSER. He left it up to me, so now I must figure out my POA. All i can think of it now is something fun with a great guy. I still want to get to know him more tho.. I mean a girl does still have standards.

Daydreaming thought of the day: flying up to see him in the city.. now that's a classy booty call. haha

BTW I have this problem with finding guys who are leaving. Third time baby. Sucks. Well all i can do is hope for the best for all! bye for now

live it up